doctrine of signatures

Dear Internet,
It’s late Saturday evening closing in on early Sunday morning and as of Thursday (the day, not the dog) I’m now 0/2 on the job front. Connecticut let me know this past week they were moving forward with another candidate and surprisingly? I was okay with it. Truly. Disappointed? Absolutely but right now this is turning out to be a good thing™ for a variety of reasons. Honestly.
And for now? On ward and upward. I’ve pulled out all my old job haunt websites, found 10 jobs near immediately to apply for and will work on those applications this week. I’ve got linux server admin to learn, websites to redesign, kickstarting my librarian website, and enough things to do to last someone a life time.
I am the queen of moving forward. I’m also tenacious. I’m very tenacious, sometimes scarily so.

Discovered recently a Kickstarter package was sent to my old address in Connecticut when I swore I had updated everything to the L-Ville address. 95% sure I had updated Kickstarter. 95%.
The 5% was enough to prove me wrong.
I contacted TheBassist about the package that was delivered to him in early December, not expecting much of a response as I have not heard a peep from him in three months. I don’t stalk him on the facebooks, the mutual friends and I are on collegial terms. It’s life. You break up, you mourn, and you move on.
As the days blended into another, I resolved to accept the package was a lost cause. I wasn’t terribly worried, really, as I have a digital copy of the book. It would have been nice to have the physical media but if not? It’s okay.
A week later he got in touch to let me know the package had been shipped and here was the cost (I offered to pay for postage). I was a bit apprehensive in regards to the thank you card I sent his family was in the package — and I asked. He responded absolutely not. I was thrilled to hear it had been opened, they knew of my gratitude, and it laid with the rest of the holiday cards in their kitchen.
This was a relief. His family are great people, how the last year went down was of no fault of their own, and I wanted to make sure they knew my gratitude and thankfulness for their kindness, hospitality, and generosity.
Truth be told, I’m aghast at my behaviour in the last year — especially in accordance with his family. If I were me now meeting me of the then, I would be appalled that someone was so — foolish? Careless? Something. I’m being too hard on myself, and as I well know, but as someone whose so fucking self-aware (as told to me by my current (and past) shrinks, TheExHusband, and close friends), it bears thinking about. If I were in that same situation now as I was then, I would be too proud to accept their kindness.
(Pride? Not sure how I would describe the feeling other than that’s the closest approximation I can give. I can’t help but think if the domino effect had not happened, I’d be in a wholly different frame and mired life of mine. As I mentioned to someone recently, it was around late 2013 when I lamented how stale my life had become and I only needed some kind of excitement to get it remotely interesting. Last time I ever say that again, I must point out.)
I waited for the box with much trepidation. I had zero idea what he would put in it. I admit I worked myself up in a near froth about the whole thing but by mid-week I was back in control of my emotions. I have a TheBassist box started (things that are of/remind of him) and agreed with myself whatever was in the box winging its way to me was to painful to view/use would go immediately into TheBassist box to be stored indefinitely.
He said the box was arriving on Saturday and I waited as the morning slowly made its way towards the afternoon. (Rip the bandaid off and all that rot.) I checked the mail around noon and nothing had arrived but 15-30 minutes later, I was awash of impending dread. I knew the box had arrived and sure enough, there it was. Almost taunting me.
(Yes, I am being overly dramatic.)
I slit the butcher paper and tape, slit the tape securing the box, pull out the plastic air bags, and there was my stuff. Not all of it, some of it. My favorite JoyDiv shirt I left for him, the last love letter I gave him, a copy of THE PLAN I had sketched out in December 2014 and was pinned to the bulletin board in his room. My personal coffee cup (that looked used?). Some random knick knacks I used to give my personality in his bedroom. The package and mail that had not been passed on to me.
(I can still recall the location of the shirt and the letter I left on his pillow before I left that early September morning. Time moved so quickly, I realized the last time I was intimate with anyone was with him and I have no plans to be intimate with anyone else for a very long time. (See: hot mess. See: swearing off relationships for at least a year.))
It was a strange, sad, and depressing affair, those items.
I refused to let myself read too much into the box — it’s just stuff after all. In my paper journal I wrote I would be terribly upset if he sent back the JoyDiv shirt, and here was the shirt, rolled up neatly, snuggling against the cardboard side. Here I am, heart broken, but not terribly surprised, not in hysterics, not really anything.
(I’ve prepared myself to accept he may send further boxes along with other things and into TheBassist box they will go.)
I’ve been ruminating on the choice of things he sent. I would have been gobsmacked if he sent along the Grand Rapids shirt I gave him all that time ago. The other love letters. The silly signs. The random gifts (Pops! Toys and other things).
I put the things he sent into my TheBassist box. The coffee cup is getting washed and it too will find its new home. The mail was sorted and the junk mail (most of the mail packed) was recycled. The unpacking, the sorting, and the questioning was over in less than five minutes.
Lunch was beckoning. I closed the front door, turned the lock, and that, as they say, was that.

You may have heard, Alan Rickman died this week, and like his cancer predecessors (Lemmy from Motorhead, David Bowie), the world has been mourning. It’s been a very good week for DEATH on all accounts and for various reasons.
I’ve been thinking about what tattoo #18 will be when I get some cash to get fresh ink. I knew I wanted it to be text of some kind, picking a phrase you absolutely love to carry on with you always is hard work.
I think I have found the answer.
Those of us who are Harry Potter fans remember all too well (and cried) when Dumbledore is gently surprised of Snape’s still in love with Lily Potter after all those years:
And this will be tattoo #18, more than likely around my right wrist / forearm.
“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.
P.S. Krazy Kate tisked me into agreeing when the box arrived to not contact TheBassist to let him know the eagle had landed. Don’t hand over power, etc. I coughed up the excuse I needed to contact him: Mail from the Connecticut institution had not made its way to me yet even though they had my updated address. Could you please forward the mail on? Thank you. I also thanked him for the box, but I had to make a correction. Several of his friends informed me when TheBassist made his year end review on the facebooks, he had a line that went along the lines of, “And I broke up with the girl who loved me.” That wording has been plaguing me for months — it’s not past tense, it’s present. So the last line I wrote was, “Correction: It is not ‘a girl who loved me,’ rather it’s, ‘a girl who loves me.’ Always has been and so it should always be.”

This Day in Lisa-Universe: 2015, 1999

fyrene dracen on þam lyfte fleogende

Dear Internet,
I’ve been remiss on updating my latest tattoos, which I think are tattoos 14 and 15. Introducing tattoo #14: The Viking dragon ouroboros.

Viking dragon ouroboros, completed March 30, 2014.
Viking dragon ouroboros, completed March 30, 2014

This is my first full on color tattoo, and according to Gareth, I healed out the colors (including the white) most excellently. This piece is the foundation of my half-sleeve, and I’ll be filling in the Celtic knot with color and the spaces inside the ouroboros with medieval marginalia.
The design is inspired by the dragon head of the Oseberg ship. Even TheHusband, who is meh on most of my art work, really loves this design. He’s pretty excited to see where the half sleeve goes.
Tattoo #15 is the rune of Odin, who is the god of Wednesday, in memoriam of our beloved pug Wednesday, who passed away on February 1, 2014. As per her custom, Wednesday sits on top of TheHusband’s head. TheHusband is represented by the rune of  thorn, as he was to be named Thor if his father had his way.
Odin, God of Wednesday, completed May 6, 2014

P.S. The title translates from Old Norse into, flaming dragons flying in the air. It seemed pretty appropriate for this post.

Tattoo U

Dear Internet,
Here is what I did Saturday afternoon:
Tattoo #14 – Viking Dragon Back
Tattoo #14 – Viking Dragon Front
Originally, I had the idea of having the dragon’s mouth open up at the shoulder joint while his body intertwined around my bicep. Gareth thought that may be a waste of real estate and instead came up with my Viking dragon in a osborous style, which will look bad fucking ass when it’s completed. The knotwork and my mom’s name were already on my arm, so this is just being added to it. This will end up being a half sleeve when all the work is finished and the dragon is only the beginning.
The inspiration for this came from the Oseberg ship’s head as well as various other influences. The entire sleeve will encompass all things geeky. It’ll probably take a year plus to finish out, after the dragon is done, depending on money and time.
I’m often asked about the rest of my body work so below you’ll find the tattoos I have and in the vague order I got them. If you want to see the whole shebang, the entire set is on Flickr. I would probably say this may be considered NSFW.

  1. Eye of Ra
  2. Butterfly
  3. Marietta (My mom’s name)
  4. Calf piece part 1
  5. Kanji
  6. Celtic knotwork – Thigh
  7. DEATH
  8. Buttercups
  9. Calf piece part 2
  10. Right arm knot work
  11. Back piece part 2
  12. Back piece part 2 again
  13. Thorn
  14. Viking dragon front, back, dead on

The story with the kanji is this: It was translated for me by a native Japanese speaker who worked at the shop where I got the work done. It was to mean “free” as in “free as a bird.” In hanzi, which is the Chinese character system, it translates into “free” as in “cheap, no sale.”  I got tired of explaining the damn thing so I decided to get it covered, which Gareth is doing with back piece part 2 again. Lest you be so stupid, take this as a cautionary tale.
The dragon will be filled in with color in January, so I’ll update then when he’s been done.

This day in Lisa-Universe: 2009

Oseberg ship’s head

Dear Internet,
The dubious quote above apparently comes from the Ethan Hawk movie classic, Great Expectations, so we’re just going to roll with it.
Tuesday I spent time wandering in 1999 and it’s been a painful walk down memory lane as I revisited, in explicit and intense detail, TheHusband and I’s first breakup, my intent to free myself of the tyranny I felt living in San Francisco, falling for Elvis, and my never ending obsession with one of my exes, Jeff (whom as I knew so many damn people or were related to those named Jeff, was referred to as “lucid” through most of my writing).
[Interlude —  Of course as I started writing this, I had to google stalk him. Well, let’s not be surprised he has a Twitter account and I made frowny faces as I read back his timeline because – this is not someone I would have ever dated in a million years.  But it should be noted his first wife had emailed me oh five or six years ago because apparently he spent most of his first marriage comparing her to me and wife #2 looks suspiciously like me circa when we were dating.]
Months up to June have been added for that year, but I stopped because I didn’t think I could handle reading any more in one sitting. There is only so much self-effacing and baring of the soul I can stomach before shutting emotionally down, even if it is about me. I will, however leave you with two foto posts of my exploits that year: One of 26 year old me via a B/W cam in April, 1999 and another one, written a month later, showing off my nipple and tongue piercings.
Which is a good segue towards this weekend, as I have a long standing appointment this Saturday to start work on tattoo #14. The inspiration is a Nordic dragon that will start at my shoulder joint and wrap its way around my arm. I’ve thrown the inspiration up on the Pinterest board I’ve started curating for ideas for the half-sleeve which will take over my right arm. It works that two existing pieces on my right arm right now are celtic in design, so adding a fiery dragon’s body will look fabulous.
My time off of work this week has resulted in more time spent in pants that I wanted to spend, but those are the sacrifices one makes. Lindsay came over to spend the day on Monday, which was good for our souls and Tuesday was spent running errands and seeing my therapist. As TheHusband and I had no intention of leaving the house this weekend, or at the very least, leaving the house and heading anywhere there might be flock of murderous shoppers, I decided to pick up some much needed items before locking ourselves in for the week. I shocked not just by the number of stores already doing pre-pre Black Friday sales but the number of shoppers who were jockeying for spots in parking.
The next couple of days are going to be very heavy food based entries as we prep for Thanksgiving dinner. Our menu is as follows:

Guinness marinated roast beef
Mashed potatoes
Cornbread and sausage stuffing
Roasted root veg
Greens cooked in bacon
Chocolate pecan pie

Ya’ll are invited. Dinner is at 4PM.


This day in Lisa-Universe:

Day 12: A few weeks of fail

The runic symbol of thorn, on my left wrist, done by Gareth Hawkins at Wealthy Street Tattoo.
If plans had gone the way they were supposed to, I’d be writing a little snarky aside right now on Day 12 in the UFYH movement and how my life was coming together nicely. The previous 11 days would have been already posted on the Internet, keeping myself in check. I would be less stressed, more relaxed, and better organized.
Instead, you get one giant post filled with snarls and teeth gnashing.
Day one was as it was to be: Clothes laid out the night before, coffee made for the morning, lunch/breakfasts made and packed. Most of everything laid out in this reminder post over at UFYH is what I do (more or less) on a regular basis prior to my discovering UFYH but this time I did ALL THE THINGS. The morning the first went without a hitch as I woke up on time, did my five minute yoga and seven minute writing bits and the rest of the day, since I was not stressed, flowed as smooth as a baby’s bottom. I even started laying out the post I was going to write for that day. But something – IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING – ate in my world and well, the post was never written and the days that followed were a complete and utter fail because of a hiccup, I tore the entire project down in my head.
Continue reading “Day 12: A few weeks of fail”

Patron Saint of Piercings

My dear friend, Carrie-Anne over at Little Big posted today about SEO for Gangsters, which prompted me to take a look at my own keyword searches and see the haps.
Here is what I found:
To be fair, the “MLIS series porn” kind of makes sense because I recently wrote about the influx of erotica fiction in which librarians were heavily featured. But the “patron saint of piercings” is the funny one – considering I haven’t purposefully discussed body modification in ages.
Or it could possibly be a nomination of sorts? Well then, I’m flattered.

sWEeT dreams

Today and tonight ended up being pretty darn internesting.
I stayed up till 7am working on my portfolio and ended up blowing off my Astronomy quiz (which I’ve been calling my midterm, but isn’t) and I emailed the prof and rescheduled it for when we are back in school next week after fall break. Woke up late as shit and drove like a bat out of hell to AQ to drop off said portfolio. Also sent the letter I wrote to Miguel. Picked up my Modern Cinema final, and aced it. I’m not quite sure how one would get a B or lower in that class.
Forgot my cell at home and didn’t get a chance to call darkdepths until much later when I got home. Due to time constraints, we met up for Qdoba and went to Best Buy to return one of my digital cameras because a toggle fell off and got it totally replaced. Also picked up a 64Mb memory card for it and we headed off to the tattoo shop so that I could get the other Buttercup finished.
I told darkdepths I was glad she was coming with me because I was feeling really trepidatious about going especially after what happened last week and the previous week. Well, color me shocked as when I got there, A. treated it like it never happened. In fact she told me that R. busted his ankle and leg while in the mosh pit last night and was at the hospital. I felt terrible, but yet in a way I didn’t. From what was being said to me via A, it was like things were going to go back to the way they were — with no thought about the business OR the fact he smacked her up.
I wandered over to Pip’s studio and apologized for being late. He was tattooing a girl and wasn’t done with her yet and it was her first tattoo (poor girl she was frightened). I said quite loudly “Hey pip! Did you hear I was a lesbian and was trying to steal A. away?” He said “You know, I was going to ask you about that. R. was telling people that all over the shop and I thought he was nuts considering you’ve had boyfriends etc” We started laughing. Pip hates R. and vice versa. I made the decision I’m going to stay away from the shop unless I really need to go. I’ll keep throwing my business there but R. gives bad juju and I doubt anything will change.
Since Pip couldn’t fit me in that night, I rescheduled for Saturday night, with darkdepths in tow. We decided to go back my house and chill for awhile and see what was going on, watch movies and the like. Came home and Ben had been messaging me and he was drunk. We said “WOOHOO!” and after walking the dogs, convinced him to get on VoIP with us. WELL! I’m not quite sure how it started but we started taking pictures and trading (we went and then he went). What ended up was staged shots and naked photos on both sides! WOOHOO!
The public post was one of them, the icon in this journal is another. The rest are online but not in the gallery nor are they in my usual directory either. 😉 The irony to this was that she and I were almost totally sober while he, was not. It’s amusing and yet secure in a way she and I just stripped naked and posed all over my apartment. But it was fun. Ben asked if we could do this every friday night and we laughed. I kept asking him if he was going to regret doing this later when he wakes up and realises what he’s done. LOL. He said no — but we have got him almost convinced to come to the States, which ruled in my book. 🙂
A very good time was had by all.

holy christ on a crutch

it’s 11am and i have NOT gone to bed. I have a 12:30pm appointment with my tattooist to finish DEATH and while I was laying in bed earlier this morning, I got a wild hair up my ass about a project I’m doing and was able to make it look 100x better. thank $diety.
As an aside, houseguestfromhell emailed me this morning as if nothing was wrong. wtf.
I’ll post pictures of the finished DEATH once I get home and then I’m passing out.

It’s the End of the World as we know it…

I am tired as fuck.
My international biz class “work” comprised of 6 weekly assignments, a country paper, research paper and our debate, plus the exam which was take home. She wanted electronic copies of all of our work so I had burned her a cd with everything divided into neat little folders marking which each was. My presentation sucked last night but that had more to do with being tired than with not being prepared. The only ONLY thing I have left is my final which I started but never finished and it’s eight questions most of which the answers are in the book. A couple of people were not prepared to hand in their final papers last night (again, I was like the only one) and something that amused me was that the ditzy chick (also named lisa) who had been my partner ripped off most of my work for her presentation. Myself and one other girl were the only ones who had actual “hand outs” for our presentation so I knew I was going to do well in the grade department. Heh.
Came home last night, immediately changed into jammies and fell asleep on the couch watching BlackAdder II. Rowan Atkinson is so hot 🙂 Heh. I can’t wait for Johnny English to come out.
Woke up, climbed into bed and didn’t realise until I was snuggled in that I had NOT wrapped my tattoo and or put tattoo goo on it so now my arm is stiff with dryness. I’m not terribly worried about ink rejecting due to the dryness as I’m going in a month to have her finish the work and she’ll do touch ups then and I always heal really well even if I’m not up to par with the after-care as I should be.
Woke up at noon (so slept about 12 hours) and felt something crunchy under my legs. “My god!” i thought to myself, “I need to shave my legs, badly!” [I tend to shave everyday but have been slacking to cut time recently.] TUrned out to be dog food (??!?!?!) in my bed. Um, okay, not sure how to explain that one other than the dogs dragging it in bed with me since i was out like a light for 12 hours. Which is, amusing.
Today I’m heading out to get my hair done and then off to go pick up the tshirts for the family reunion for sunday. Have to buy an outfit for dinner tomorrow night dinner with mom and jeff and then it’s off to grab a portable cage for the dogs and then on to come home to finish the exam.
i’m telling you the fun never ends!

One thing leads to another

Shooting at the walls of heartache, BANG BANG
so last night ben and i were using this nifty software so we could talk voice over ip and man was it crystal clear, Anyways, so we were talking both kind of waiting for the war to start (is this how it starts now? you know baby share this war with me?) and well there was no big KABOOM and well i can’t speak for him but damn i felt very anticlimactic. Kind of like when you really dig someone and find out they are crappy kissers, that kind of anticlimactic. But we both thought it would be DAMN cool to be like, talking on-line via VOIP and he’s in Belgium and I’m in the US and the war start. You know, all tragic romancey kind of thing in the bizarre kind of surreal way kind of crap. And I was laughing absurdly at the whole thing and the fact i locked my door when I was going to bed that you know, WW3 is starting and here i am LOCKING MY DOOR. I laughed. I’ve been doing that a lot lately.
SO! things have been weird around these parts. I went and got a new tattoo:
(It’s fake. The Ben is that is. The tattoo. Not the person. I mean if the person was fake, my GOD do i have an imagination and who the hell have I been talking to lately)
But damn! Some people over on my livejournal were all freaking out 10 ways to Sunday and well, i wanted to have fun with people so i told some that, BEN AND I WERE GETTING MARRIED! In GREECE! (We moved it from the South of France to Greece you see). And I was having fun and people believed Ben and I were getting married and well the fun kinda stopped being fun cos no one would play into it. And then I got bored. heh.
But I should marry ben. I mean he’s tall, cute, British, reads, he’s geeky, plays video games and the great part is HE DOES NOT SNORE!
is that a girls dream or what.
I’m kidding.
So anyways, what I did was have this redone:
My mom’s name on my arm, I had Amy re-do as the coloring had come out and everyone was like that was a really great faded effect’ and well it was NOT supposed to be faded and well that is partially my fault but she said she was going to do it for free so HEY who was I to pass that up. I talked to her about my back, which is my next project. I’m going to have half a belt encircle the butterfly so it peeks out from my pants/jeans and then work my way up. I was thinking kanji and I definitely want a piece at the nape of my spine but hey, i’m a broke college student so she’s working out a deal with me and charging me 50/hr instead of 85/hr and we are blocking off two hour time frames and doing this once a month. Except probably in May and August (Vegas baby! and Europe!)
So she’s working on my arm and I told her I was teasing a friend about getting his name tattoo’d on me and I asked her to do it with a sharpie and take a picture of it and she thought it was great idea, so she did! So I giggled all the way home madly and hoping ben was still on-line and he was! And he was like, shocked. it was funny 🙂 Relived I think when I told him it was sharpie and it will fade (like so: — you try taking a pic of your ass :). I told him last night I never once thought he might figure i was like some really CRAZY (seriously) bitch living in the US. Good thing he has a sense of humour.
Sometimes thinking ruins everything. 🙂
What else, well, I got the COOLEST present yesterday:
ohmygod, I LOVE that book and i’m so mad when i lost it. That made me SUPER happy! Ben rules 🙂
And what else, oh i got my UUNet bonus check and also my sprint refund check which meant I got to go spend 50 bucks in books at heh.
My poli sci exam is pushed back five days. I’m late writing my women writers midterm and I’ve been sitting here bouncing around to 80s music. hahaha. I so want to be out frolicking on the beaches of Mediterranean and NOT in the US.
oh yah.
kethryvis and i have been sitting here doing our horroscopes with mens we have crushes on. you soooooooo know when you like someone when your sitting here figuring out what the hell your chances are with someone. I told her we needed to be in our pjs, hair in rollers drinking hotcocoa having a slumber party.
Except she’s 3k miles away :/
hahaha. we are pathetic.