Tag: TheExHusband

and now for something you’ll really enjoy

procrastination is thine own enemy.
or something.
However, since my well laid plans didn’t get executed, here are links to the archives of the lisa chronicles:
November
October
September
August
July
Writings
as many of you have already guessed, i didn’t get the new chronicles updated and designed on time as i had liked. work and the fact that shelly is arriving today from Virginia has prevented me from doing so. however, never fear! i know that many of those that are loyal readers have been checking the site everyday and my guilt factor has gone through the roof. mainly because i knew that i am taking much too long to get a chronicle up/redesign the site within an appropriate time. so in lieu of that, i’ve decided that till the new design is up and functioning, i’m still going to update the chronicles as often as i did before. just not aesthetically pleasing as i had hoped. so please bear with me.
thoughts laid bare
it had come to my attention a few days ago, that someone who once mocked me and my style is now emulating it.
when i found out i was pissed, royally pissed to the point that i was seething. those in the know think i was being a tad obsessive about the whole thing (me? obsessive? muhahaha) and it had nothing pertaining to me (the website). i told my friends they were smoking a bit of crack and they needed to get a new dealer. they thought i was reading too much into it.
and maybe to an extent they were right. BUT! (the all important but here) i’ve been mocked and ridiculed for my “work” or whatever the hell this is for a long time and by the same people. So when I go to their website and see they are planning on doing what they MOCKED ME FOR, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t be pissed either or at least a bit angry.
Another aspect of all this is that they have also started preaching stuff on their website that have been some of my philosophies (again mocked and criticized) that I subscribe to.
So you are saying to yourself “lisa, get over it!” and perhaps you’re true. But I hate hypocrites. I hate the aspect that someone suddenly “found themselves” and then they start preaching the belief systems I preach and calling it their own ideas.
it’s annoying and it makes me sick.
this isn’t just about doing an on-line journal (hell everyone and their brother does that) but it’s the style, the concept and taking bits and pieces of who i am and turning it into their own production.
i am happy, in a way, because now i’ve become even more disillusioned about them. it makes me feel like they finally admitted i was right (which, we all know, i am 😉 and just don’t have the balls to tell me.
i hate the concept of “finding oneself” or whatever new-agey term you want to use. It’s like a cop out. you always knew who you were, you were just masquerading behind the prospect of it because you were too much of a coward to admit it, even to yourself. and i also hate liars with such a passion it even shocks me sometimes.
I’ve heard time and time again “lisa only believes what she wants to believe” and i used to cringe when someone said that, but! (another important but here) if what i say you think is bunk and then end up prescribing to the idea and then calling it your own? HELLO here! Don’t use your intimidation of me as your weapon and don’t use my words against me in an argument. and importantly, don’t tell me i’m on crack when we both know what i say is TRUE and that time and time again I have been proven to be right. don’t use your fear of yourself as the weapon to sting me with mind fucks. it just ain’t happening homey.
i’ve learned, through time, my perceptions of people are about 98% accurate AND that chances are, if i call you on something, you are doing what i say you’re doing.
damn, i’m being cryptic here or what?
that’s quite all right. it’s my damn webpage and i can do what the hell i want to do with it, including and not limited to:

  • putting up pictures of my piercings
  • my writings which are mostly not understood
  • critiques of the world at large
  • bitching about anything and everything because i have the right to.I know, from experience, that people don’t like it when others tend to be dead on about them. i also know that my perspective of things tend to be a skewed than the world at large. i also know that my ego is the size of Nebraska. i also know that many people are intimidated by the “whole package” (as it were) because my tendency to be -in your face-.

some people just can’t handle being told “like it is”. I don’t have time for this namby-pamby-third-grade-pigtail-pulling.
Get the fuck out of my way and let me rule the world as I have planned!!!!and no mack, this isn’t about you 😉
I’m frightening you aren’t i?
Sometimes I frighten myself.
But that’s quite all right. I’m quite used to this.
So, moving right along, Shelly is staying with me till December 1st. I don’t know what the options are for me to upload/redesign this page. Since Justin and I have our little network going now but still no modem sharing (as it were, no dedicated connections of any type are available in my area), we are still tag teaming getting on-line. I might pacify Shelly to getting on-line while I do my website or something. I had planned on redoing her page while she was here, so perhaps we can do that.
So don’t expect me to have another chronicle up for about a week. I made good on my promise to myself to purchase a journal and write down my thoughts and feelings that I wouldn’t have the balls (yet) to put on here. If some of the stuff is any good, i’m sure I’ll put it here.
So in other words, don’t expect an update for about a week. 😉
Have a happy holidays!
Love,
Lisa
*sm00ch*
If you are really bored, check out http://www.mangot.com/theslip. It’s pretty obvious what this is. I won’t tell you what ones refer to me nor which ones I put on there 😉 Enjoy!

i am the hunter

Took a somewhat less brief look today, then remembered why I wasn’t reading it. Nothing personal, I just don’t like writing that’s intensely inwardly focused. Too easy to get caught up in.- Bryan Fullerton about da’ chronicles

I’ve got insomnia and I’ve got a lot to cover today, so please bear with me.
First, I changed the title bar again. naming my page “Spanking da’ Monkey” seemed lame after I uploaded it. I finally found something to match my personality then it seeming like i’m masturbating every other second. 😉
11 people are subscribed to da’ chronicles. if you are reading this on a daily basis, while I love the hits, having it delivered to your email box might be a better solution as bryan is always upgrading his server and I have no control whether or not the server is going to be up. But, the downfall is any internal links will not be available to you if you get it emailed. Why am I mentioning this? Damnit, because I want my cake and eat it too!
If your looking for a good place to find used/rare CDs, please check out: http://www.horizons-music.com/. Greg found the cd I had been lusting for there and I found copies of other crap that I had been wanting for awhile as well. Big selection and nice prices. And I think I’m regretting the fact I just paid a fat chunk to my credit card.
Fact of the day:
At any given time, only 30% of the Web is indexed in any given search engine. Wow. Just think of all the pr0n your missing out on.
Two things lisa did that defy explanation:
1. I sorted out my bookmarks finally. I will be egotistical enough to let you view them. We are talking about four years worth of bookmarks here. I can’t guarantee that they all work nor have they been properly subjected to my anal retentiveness in cleaning them out thoroughly, however, they are in some semblance of order.
I would also note that many of the hot spots I hang at aren’t here. Mainly, I have this weird type of memory that I can remember URL’s more so than peoples name/faces, phone numbers and the like. Plus many personal sites are characterized on the players page.
2. I cleaned out my inbox. You may think this isn’t that huge of a deal, however, I used to have anywhere from 60-100 emails sitting there at any given time (not including what I had filtered to mailing lists in their own boxes). now, i’m down to 16!! woohoo!! I can finally see all personal email without having to fucking scroll 🙂 this rocks my socks.
spark
it’s approximately 1:30am and I am numb.
Not really, I just have freaking insomnia.
So where we left last night, I had uploaded and updated everything and gone to bed. I walked into the bedroom to see Justin lying on the bed with his mouth open and snoring. The only thing that redeemed him was the fact that he was snuggling a pillow. I took off my robe and kicked off my slippers and climbed naked into bed. I started grinding against him hard and petting him, hoping that he would respond to wanting to make love.
he did, but not quite in the fashion you were thinking.
We’ve noticed (he and I) that I tend to get more aroused when he’s half dead to the world then when he’s conscious. If he’s (If you currently own the soundtrack to The X-Files Movie (released this past summer) go to track 14 and fast forward the time to 10:12) conscious and wanting to have sex during “daylight” hours, I tend to be more self-involved or shying away from that. It’s strange how our cycles tend to change over time.

under construction

i apologize if you have been attempting to access this page within the last few days and unable to do so.
bryan, the head cheese who owns this server, has been upgrading the kernel and what not. i completely forgot he was doing so and emailed him a letter bitching. aww well.
things should be back to normal by now. i think.
check out bryan’s page. when he’s not being an obnoxious idiot grin, he is kinda handsome don’tcha think.
bryan and i were an item a few years back. i was in my “need to be controlling because my life is careening out of control” stage and he was in his “slowly getting over being burned by a psycho path” stage. it probably would have lasted if both of us didn’t freak out at our brains always thinking so much.
bryan and I don’t chit-chat much, but last i heard he was going to a shrink to stop analyzing his life so damn much.
i remember the first time had met bryan, back in ’96. I was finished with classes for the summer and was working full time at a video store. i decided i was going to take a week off and careen around Michigan and Ontario. i drove from grand rapids to port huron and then took off to detroit to see my friend patrick. patrick, unix systems guru that he is, was currently in between jobs, so at 1am, he and i took off from Toronto.
gads, we had so much fun. we drove in the middle of the night talking and smoking all the way. it was so poetic. as we drove up the Michigan coastline, we stopped at his fathers grave and at my grandmothers grave before heading across the bridge to Toronto.
wired, laden down with smoke and fueled by diet coke, we drove to bryan’s house in central Toronto.
when i first saw bryan, i thought “damn, what a hunka hunka burning love.” turned out he liked me too. god it was hard. patrick had a crush on me and so did bryan. i didn’t know what the hell to do. patrick was getting over patty his gf and i didn’t think he and i would even be remotely good together and bryan i barely knew.
but the point is, those days were fucking fun as hell. not knowing what i would be doing or where i was going. driving to toronto at a moments notice. calling bryan on the phone because i forgot something. laughing with patrick in the car on the way back. teasing both of them.
friday night, i got an icq message from my friend adam. adam and i go way back for a few years, when i started listening to his radio show on wyce. wyce is a public radio station and everyone there volunteers their time for the programming->disk jockying->whatever needs to be done. adam and sloth have a show every friday night from 12am-6am, which a better part of it was called the razor blade hour. i would stumble in at around 2am drunk as a skunk and sit up with adam for the better part of the night talking and giggling on air.
so adam icq’s me, and I haven’t heard from him in a long time. he tells me he’s doing another rendition of the razor blade hour and that it’s in memory of me. i have nothing else better to do on a friday night but get movies and order pizza, so i pop open real audio and listen for a bit to see if/when adam is on. adam starts yacking and i call the station. adam answers and he sounds happy to hear from me and i tell him i’m coming home for Christmas from December 24th – 30th. We make plans, I icq him my mom’s number and i get off the phone. when adam gets back on the air, he dedicates a song i picked (Everybody Knows by Leonard Cohen) to Miss Lisa, his number one groupie, in San Francisco.
And when I hear that, I realize how badly I miss home.
Things have changed since I’ve left, and I realize that. And I know I’ve changed a lot since then as well.
Within the last week, I received an email from my friend Dan in Texas. Now Dan rocks my world (Dan’s comments are either the single > or the non > spaces). See I did his website for him and helped him when things were getting tough between his ex-partner Chris. I told Danny that I would never charge him for what I did nor would I expect payment. But this past Friday, he sent me a check (which I feel is way too much) and he wouldn’t take it back. So Danny, I haven’t emailed you this yet, but, if you feel you need to make a donation to me cos I did your pages, please give it to a charity in my name. :)) Thanks!
So I read the letter and I almost start to cry.
Dan’s right in a way: I have a lot of things NOW that i didn’t have then. namely: brand new spankin’ 98 black Saturn, a job i’ve been with for almost a year, a place where my name is on the lease, and justin.
and maybe to some people, they would say “hey, that’s a lot! you’re doing pretty good” (especially if i can flash my IS title around), but to me, it’s settling. and it hurts.
there is a distance i have wondered
(reaching out, reaching in. holding out, holding in)
fuck, another sarah induced depression.
HELLALUHIA!
You know, for nearly a year, I have fretted, stressed and worried that everything that has gone wrong with my life resolved around the fact that it was because of  jeff.
And the startling realization I made was that it wasn’t about the fucker at all but about me!! I don’t miss what we had, I miss the person I was! I miss that sparky personality i used to have. where i didn’t care and where i lived life as fully as i knew how. it may not have been the best way or the right way, but it was my way.
i’m being slight unfair because i can’t blame him, but i can blame things have changed significantly in me since i’ve moved to California, and the person I was and the person i’ve become don’t mesh. and when someone takes your heart and smashes it to a trillion pieces and then tells you to get over it, you get fucking angry. and i learned, somewhere along the line, it wasn’t okay to get angry. holding in all this crap for nearly a year.
(but um, lisa, your constantly analyzing the situation)
sneeze
True. But read what I say and read that goddamn email. Can you NOT detect the difference between how I speak here and in that stupid fucking letter?
(insert about an hour later)
So i’ve spent some time reading my old letters i’ve written to people in the last few years. And i cried and I smiled and I laughed out loud when I read this:
“And food for thought, king bee, I would have never have emailed you unless you provoked it. If you want no comment from me, then you should have done, what I warned you to do oh so long ago, stay the fuck away. 🙂 Have a nice day!” (This little tidbit came from one of the most articulate emails i feel i’ve written in eons.)
“King Bee.” That just slays me. I started laughing so hard, I couldn’t sniffle from my damn cold.
And suddenly, I feel okay again. Sure, I was getting depressed reading all those old emails, and I miss the old Lisa, but I realized that with that much passion and fire, she was never really gone. She was just hibernating somewhere.
And my arguments with Justin early this evening seemed benign and trite. I went from a complete 180 degree course from wanting to break up with him to wanting to hold him tight and loving him forever.
And I think I will go do that.

props

first off, props out to my friend greg. A few weeks ago, I had made a plea on both da chronicles and through several list serves in finding the cd by Everlast called Forever Everlasting.
I had searched the web for ages looking for it. Some of the major players such as amazon, borders did not carry it. Everlasts first record company, Warner Brothers didn’t have it listed. It seemed hopeless.
The cd is pre-House of Pain days. He was originally found by Ice-T and his Syndicate Soldiers group. He’s a white boy that can rap 😉
I thought it was pretty hopeless. I emailed my brother in the hopes that he may have found it at some store back home in Michigan. He emailed me back saying he found something for $22 bucks. What that something was, he never said.
I had pretty much given up on getting the cd. I had first heard of it when I was about 18 and had just moved back from Toronto. Josh had introduced me to it and I fell in love with Everlast from then on.
Damn that man is fione!
But Greg found it and sent it to me. I was so overcome with joy, I’ve earned the nickname ghettogrrl from Darryl and Justin.
homegrrls
And speaking of friends, my girl Shelly is flying out here for Thanksgiving to visit me. I haven’t seen her in about 2 years.
It was so fucked because we were attempting to make plans for the last few months now, but, something always came up. With the holidays upon us and since I have school starting in January, it was either now or later. Thankfully it’s now. 🙂 She’s going to be in town for a week!
morning dew
it’s now 6am and i’ve been up for about an hour. Justin has started working at PBI officially and his schedule is now 6a-3pm. This cut into our time together in the morning when he, darryl and i would car pool to get everyone to work by 8am. With justin leaving slightly earlier, darryl and i have had to make arrangements to get to work.
this isn’t really a big deal. if we leave by 7am-ish, we can still get to work without taking the car pool lanes. darryl keeps pushing me to pick-up singular people who want to car pool, but, since i smoke it seems (to me) that someone is going to get snotty on my ass for doing so in my own car. I would rather leave earlier then worry about it anyway. the only thing is, with NOT car pooling, I can’t yell “SUCKERS!” as we zipped by the poor souls who were stuck in the gridlock on the bridge. Now i’m a part of those poor souls. :/
I love the early morning hours. I love how quiet it is, and how the world seems to be half asleep. There is no traffic when I take Justin to BART in the morning…
OHMYGOD!
Sometime ago, I had received an email from someone asking me what my website had to do with spanking. Since this person was referring to my other domain, simunye.com, I replied “Nothing. Why do you ask?”. The person emailed me back and just said something along the lines of “I was just curious.”
So it’s some time later, and I go and check to make sure links are working properly before i upload this page. I go to Shelly’s page and find that from the several hundred hits she’s gotten since I’ve put the page up in January of this year, she’s now up to almost 4000!!
On several of my pages, I’ve been using counters from an old provider I worked with. 😉 I know how to configure them without having an account there. I had made sure I made something esoteric so that no one else would be using it on their webpage. Since Shelly’s page has been hit so damn much, I check to make sure that someone isn’t using that counter somewhere else. No, it’s not.
So it dawns on me, that since in her title bar it says “Shelly C. Brown’s Very Own Spanking Web Page”, she’s being pulled up in search engines when someone does a search for “spanking”. The title can be read two ways: The way I wrote it and if you read it again, it makes it sound like the site is about spanking. Hahahahaha. That is just too goddamn funny!
Well it’s getting late and I have to go jump in the shower. I’m fueled by coffee and have to go brave the morning traffic to get to work. Tonight is Internet 101, which I teach at work.
Have a good day y’all. 😉
Read the title bar now in your browser. 😉

i don’t need yours because i have one of my own

I don’t know if this was covered yet (you think you can swallow it), but sometime ago, my friend Jessica wrote me this email in regards to my website. She liked the idea of doing an on-line journal, but had some trepidations about doing it. Namely, do I censor myself and how do those closest to me feel about what i write?
the question is a good one, and thankfully i thought i had all the answers. justin supports me in everything that I do, primarily with my writing so what i have to say, really doesn’t bother him. but do i censor myself?
yes, i do.
in a way, i was disgusted with that answer. and with how i felt about everything else, that made sense as to why i would feel disgusted. people often see me as being this raw sort of person and i feel that i am. but i started to notice that when i would write da’ chronicles, that i was blocking things that i would never admit or revel to the public at large.
for what reason, i can’t be too sure. but some include that many people that i would probably bitch about and complain about DO read my pages and suddenly i’m taking their feelings into consideration. they would probably ask me “why can’t you talk to me about this to my face?” and i wouldn’t have a very good answer other than “i dunno.” and as i write this, i realize that i have covered this before. *shrug* i’m old at 26. shoot me. 😉
anyway, there is a lot of stuff i think about, that i have never even thought about including in da’ chronicles. my relationship with justin, how i really feel about him. people that i work with, play with and socialize with. my relationship with my parents. stuff that would be considered really personal and stuff i probably wouldn’t feel too comfortable sharing.
but today a productive day. i finally got my cd’s in order and pulled out the crappy ones i have never listened to (a rob-ism: if you don’t use it for 6 months you don’t need it). sonya took some of them home. i’m either going to pitch them to a few mailing lists i’m on or else just take them to a place that purchases used cd’s. and while i was making notes of additions and subtractions from the collection, i started using an old journal that i had.
i have this thing for buying notebooks (whether softbound or hardcover) that are blank pages so that i can jot something down in it daily. daily ruminations about crap that bothered me, but i knew in my heart that i was censoring myself even then. not as badly as i was here on the web, but i still wouldn’t admit even privately to myself what i really felt. how fucked up is that when you actually carry two journals: one for public and one for private showing?
to me, it’s extremely fucked up. fucked up enough to have me analyze it. well just kidding, but i think part of who i am is found is this simple analogy. i have a public and private side to me, both which are equal to each other. sometimes it may be more dark and other times it may be more complex and other times it’s fluffy like cotton candy.
i liked the idea of keeping a private journal.
the reasoning has to do more with getting rid of my depression than anything else. oh be sure i’ll still be as scintillating as ever, but perhaps keeping two journals i can reach down and write about stuff that really matters (to me) and really bothers me.
the bright side is that i won’t sit here and debate on whether or not i will be mentioning the fact i bought new nail polish called cherrywood.
(but you already did that lisa…)
it’s called allegory! or something. so kindly stop walking across my freshly washed kitchen floor!

that’s great it starts

smoke is going up my nose. ick.
da’ chronicles is evolving. i get a new idea every other week or so, so it’s original content is certainly blooming. personally, i don’t think it would have shaped into what it is now if i had sat down with a story board and done it all in one sitting. i keep adding and changing the site content. please lord, if you are up there, don’t make me get a brand new spanking idea about design. i simply couldn’t handle it.
last night, after updating da’ chronicles, i went on IRC. i was thoroughly bored, and justin was downloading some update on his computer. he was intent on watching tv, so i got on-line and configured irc on his machine.
one of the channels i always frequent, is #philosophers. i get on-line and see the usual parade of souls that frequent the channel. one of the usual cast of characters, Eroticide, is on the channel, except he’s masquarding under a different nick. he says “hello lisa rabey” as if he is being clever. i had checked my stats and noticed that he had been to my site. i ask him what he think, and he says something about how pompous and egotistical i am. i ask him why he thinks i’m being pompous and egotistical, and he says because i own a domain (well actually three domains, but i won’t needle it) and i “plaster my journals on the web”. i started laughing, and i tell him that it is illogical, because it is. i’ve been keeping an on-line journal since 1995 (or thereabouts), and that’s hardly egotistical and pompous. he goes off on some lame rant, and i just kind of keep laughing. he’s so lame. i tell him it’s no different then his self-styled prose that he kept on his website. i tell him to grow some balls. he says ‘okay’.
the irony is that later on, i was checking my stats again, and he had gone back to my site a few hours later.
fucking hypocrite.
i’m angry.
i’m so ticked off, that driving over to el cerrito this afternoon, i started grinding my teeth. hard.
I spoke to michael this afternoon, and he asks how i’m doing. i say ‘fine.’ and he says that it sounds like i’m down in the dumps again, and i say ‘yeah, i am. it’s never ending. every year from october to february, i’m thoroughly depressed.’ and he says ‘maybe you have seasonal depression.’ and i say ‘yeah, i was diagnosed that years ago.’ and he says ‘maybe you need some sunshine.’ and i say ‘why do you think i moved to california?’ and start laughing. and he starts laughing as well, and then we make plans to meet on wednesday, sans justin and karena.
right when i was typing up the above, justin called and asked me to come pick him up. i picked him up at bart and he saw how depressed i was looking. i asked him what he wanted to do tonight (if anything) and he started throwing off the usual (tennis being the first one). I shrug my shoulders and mention something about going to Lucky’s to pick up coffee and bagels for breakfast tomorrow. He asks if I want to go to the bookstore, and i swear, my eyes lit up. I was thinking earlier today when I was running errands of going to borders in Emeryville, and decided against it. I just came home and started working on da’ chronicles.
so justin and i go to borders, and it is his idea, so we are not having issues about it. i walk around happy with my mocha freeze, and justin says if there is anything i want, to pick it up. for the life of me, i can’t remember what it is that i want, and i start to panic. i know i want a mocha freeze, so i get that. but as for books, i can’t remember which ones i was thinking about getting. i know that i have about 50 books in a pile that i have attempted to start reading and never finished. plus justin and i have our list of books that we wanted to get from the 100 best list. We had looked at amazon.com for the books and did notice they were noticeably cheaper.
so we are walking around, and i think i don’t want anything heavy, and he buys four sci-fi books to read, and i pick up some book. and we head off towards natural sciences and i pick up fermat’s enigma, which is about the solving of fermat’s theorem. basically the holy grail of the mathematics world. so i’m getting immersed with that, and we start walking around. justin is looking at computer books, and he asks me what MAC means in the PC terminology, and i say ‘i dunno.’ and he goes to explain it to me. and i say ‘oh yeah. each nic card has it’s own address that is independent of any other nic card.’ and justin kinda looks at me like ‘how did you know that?’ and i just shrug my shoulders and we sm00ch and keep looking around.
i walk past the humor section and see that Bill Gate’s Personal, Super-Secret, Private Laptop is on sale, and i think to myself that i gotta tell Traci about it because she loves anything anti-M$. and as we are walking towards the checkout, we head towards the periodical section and justin makes a bee-line towards computers and i head towards the chicky magazines. i flip through some of the somewhat decent ones and yawn. chicky mags are so damn boring. i start checking out the eclectical section, and i’m obsessed with the mag paper which is generated towards high falutin society folk in New York. and Justin makes fun of me, like he made fun of me getting a cell phone. fuck ’em and feed ’em fish heads.
the other night i was doing something. i don’t quite remember what it was, but it sparked me about being rich.
i mean really rich.
so i’ve decided, that being poor really sucks. that living hand to mouth is for losers, and that i’m going to be a millionaire by the time i’m 35. No more living in East Oakland baybee anymore. I will have homes in New York and oh, Paris. and be this great writer who writes scathing stories and I will have a Pulitzer by the time I’m 35 as well. Fuck this noise.

all saints day

my grandmother, bernice preiss, died 26 years ago today. please observe a moment of silence for this remarkable woman.
i’ve spent about 6 hours today watching movies, four of which were spent watching Gone With The Wind. The irony of this is that after I read Atlas Shrugged, i started pinpointing the plot similarities between GWTW and AS. I’ve talked and talked about this previously before, and everyone thinks i’m being on crack. But trust me, read GWTW and AS, and tell me that Ayn Rand stole quite a bit from Margaret Mitchell. Michael said that Rand admired Mitchell. I guess it is true, imitation is the best form of flattery.
i’m having intense issues.
i feel fat, just got the pictures back from all the previous parties as well as our trips, and i look HORRENDOUS. so it’s weight issues, and love issues. justin is getting on my last nerve. basically everyone is getting on my nerves. my stomach hurts, and i’ve got a zit, and i feel like crap.
i don’t feel like talking much, so i’m not.

black metallic

in some sort of impulse nature, i dyed my hair black. well, it’s not really “black”, but more dark brown. however with how my hair absorbs hair color, it *looks* black.
when i got into work yesterday, people were like “you did something to your hair?”
i told them i dyed my eyebrows.
shallow (last exit to yuppieville)
i’m finally getting a cellular phone.
this is damn frightening.
i guess flirting with the salesman helps with the deal.
i don’t know what it is about me and yuppie-ness, it’s not that i hate yuppies, but it’s that a lot of the people who fit the stereotype fit it too damn well. i have issues with people who drive the right kind of cars, and go to certain places and do all the right things.
san francisco is a city that places a lot of importance on materialistic ideals, and the problem is that since i’ve been living on the west coast, i’ve slowly started becoming one of THEM.
someone help me.
here are some points that i’m referring to:

  • I know how to serve red wine.
  • I know when to serve white and red wine.
  • My two favorite types of cheese are feta and brie.
  • I own a cellular phone, three domains, a pager, and am in a highly visible job.
  • I’ve contemplated about purchasing stocks.
  • I’ve shown interest in getting together a 401k.
  • My car is a 1998 Saturn. It’s black.
  • I’ve kissed a girl.
  • I’ve participated in a quasi-fivesome.

Granted these things may not seem to be very yuppish, but they are totally Californian in attitude. Seriously, a few years ago, the idea of doing any of the above or even thinking about doing the above wouldn’t’ have entered into my mind. I used to be a person who loved her piercings, wearing black and driving around in my ’88 Subaru (which had a ton of stickers plastered on it). Some things gone awry!
the more i think about it, the more disgusted i find myself. this is not who i want to be, but yet it’s so appealing.
well, i can take pride in the fact that i’m not hanging out at Bruno’s every weekend.in a fit of rage, i wore all black yesterday, but i felt like the stereotypical goth girl, and we couldn’t have that now can we?
i dunno, if someone mentions that i’m growing up, i’ll smack them in the face.
i think the disgusting part, is that i signed up for the cellular service today, i started dancing around the office going “i’m getting a cellular, i’m getting a cellular”.
my logic is that i need it for those extra long commutes into the city.
uh, yeah right.
she’s my friend
my friend traci asked if i was ever going to mention her in da’ chronicles, so here i am.
i’m going to kick your ass!
texture
so here i’m sitting at my comp, with my headphone’s on my ears. justin is playing some fucked up tennis game on his comp, and i’m listening to catherine wheel:ferment.
our big halloween party is this saturday (which would naturally fall on halloween, how convenient). i’m dressing up like Siouxie from Siouxie and the Banshee’s. Justin is going as me. unfortunately, he can fit in my clothes better than i. which isn’t all that odd considering that a majority of the men i’ve dated in the past few years have this thing for wearing my clothes. well, at least they aren’t as bad as christian, who not only liked to wear my clothes, but be called Kelly and be fucked up the ass with a dildo.
why am i talking about this?
because a year and a half later i think it’s funny.
okay, that sounds like a good enough reason.
i’m finding myself extremely bored. the last few issues of da’ chronicle have been lame. i missed a streak in my hair. we just hired a new CFO and CTO. I’m IS working with BS because if I don’t work here, I’ll be SOL.
acronyms are so lame.
i’m audi five thousand g!
plus it doesn’t help that Justin was peeking over my shoulder every few minutes. My copy of Eudora is acting weird, and I’m tempted on moving over to another email program. my new shoes ROCK! but they are a bit too big. i love my hair in pigtails. big hair rocks. unfortunately my foot’s asleep.
not today, not tomorrow
i was going to talk about nt, but realized that i don’t wanna. i hate our nt machine. which, thankfully, is no more. i had reset all the permission sets because previously i had given everyone admin access (don’t bitch. the machine was isolated on the network). and then someone went through and changed everything. Dapper Don doubts that anyone could have reconfigured it, but, anyone who works at slip.net is a sneaky bitch as a given. the machine was fucked to begin with. just like all machines at work.
there is something fundamentally exhiltering about using fdisk and format.
:q!

i’ve got the knack!

yesterday when i got my phat slip.net paycheck, i had to drive out to the east bay to cash my it (long story), and since it was Friday and it was getting later in the afternoon, I got caught in early commuter traffic. What would normally take me 15 minutes to drive, took me nearly 1/2 hour.
I don’t like other drivers (other than myself, of course). Primarily those who drive bee-em-double u’s, jag’s, mercedes, volvo’s and any other expensive cars. They always think they have the right away, solely based on the fact that they think they own a better car. these same people always tend to be the worst drivers i’ve come across in ages (ie: they should be allowed to cut in front of me during heavy traffic).
Thursday night was such an example. Justin and I were attempting to drive home after work. for the most part, traffic isn’t that bad after 5pm, however that night it seemed worse than usual. a simple drive around the block turned into the nightmare.
there are several on-ramps for the bridge within a general mile radius, however, people would cut over from other lanes to get into the almost snails pace lane that lead onto the bridge. after being cut off several times by the offending cars listed above, i finally put my foot down (as it were) and stopped letting these assholes in front of me. it got to the point, where one car had to drive up on the curb because i wouldn’t let him in. If i had to suffer for x amount of minutes fucking waiting to get on the bridge, why should i let some jerk get my rightful spot? justin was amused. he always thinks my driving is death defying, but it isn’t. truly. i call it ‘defensive driving, 101’.
in other news, justin got the job at PBI (pacific bell internet), my old alma matter. he’s going to be making nearly twice what i make now! he’s doing simple tech support, while I’m theoretically IS (information systems). It’s sickening to know that he’s making more money than i, however, it is extremely exciting to not be rolling fucking pennies to survive. mayhap that is the extreme, but you do get my point.
i was amazingly not as uptight about traffic as i usually am. karena once commented that i was unusually patient whilst driving. she noted that she probably would have gotten quite upset with traffic or been overly irrational. i do get that way sometimes, but just being patient with traffic does help. you are obviously not going to get any further yelling and screaming. plus i have a ton of new cd’s and always available pack of cigarettes to help with the time.
which brings me up to something interesting.
on my so-called lunch hour the other day (Friday), I ran into the The Wherehouse (a record store in Berkeley) looking for cake’s new cd. while browsing for it, i found that everlast has a new cd out called Whitey Ford Sings the Blues. I remember Everlast from before he was in House of Pain, when he released his debut album Forever Everlasting. god, he is just so damn hot. 😉
Anyway, instinct told me to purchase the album, which i did. and damnit, if it doesn’t just rock! very spiritual, upbeat, hip-hop, and just plain rocking. for a white boy, he does have soul 😉
however, the problem i’m having is finding a copy of his first release Forever Everlasting. It was released by Warner Brother Records in 1990, and according to some sources, is still in print, however I can’t find it anywhere. I have searched cd now, cd universe, amazon.com, musicblvd, and a host of other speciality stores to no avail. this plain just sucks. so if you or anyone else knows of where i can get a copy, please email me and lets hook something up! but don’t email me to tell me to try WB, because i’ve already done that 😉
new edition
one of the precepts of moving into our place was that cathleen be responsible for her pets. at that time, she had two cats and three fish. now we are up to four cats and one fish. 😉 no… the cat’s didn’t eat the other two fish. one of the fish is a catfish, and he is really vicious. if he’s not fed a x time everyday, he attacks the gold fish. now we just have a cat fish.
the inheritance of the other two cat’s came when christine lived in an area that was over run with cats, and had adopted a litter of stray kittens to make sure they weren’t going to go feral. since my cat merlin had gotten wild and my other cat sammy had gotten hit by a car, christine thought it would be a good idea to give me one of these kittens for my own.
this is how we inherited killer.
killer is one of those cats that you would literally think about taking to the pound. when we first got her, we trained her to use the litter box, but within a week of that training, she would get so upset with us that she would start shitting in my bedroom. and she had this tendency to jump and claw people for no reason. she gets along fine with cathleen to an extent, but justin and i can’t stand her. Justin calls her the personification of evil. She’s not friendly, loveable or even remotely cuddly. she just whines, hisses and shits all over the place.
when christine was moving in with fran, she had to make sure her two dogs, BadDog and Jennie, were going to be taken care of. That wasn’t a big issue since we have a large backyard and could easily do it. what became an issue was that cathleen opted to have us take the stray kitten left over from the litter and adopt it as our own.
this pissed me off, because while two of the cats, Muffin and BC, are outdoors for most of the time and can fend for themselves, they do get moods where they want to be indoors, which means more litter and also means food. which, for some periods, we don’t have. lack of money (and laziness on cathleen’s part 😉 meant no food for three cats for several days. killer needs her shots and needs to be spade, and we haven’t even attempted to do that! getting another cat, albeit killer’s sister, isn’t something we could afford.
i lost the argument.
so please welcome, into our nuthouse family, Zinfandel.
She’s the most amazing kitty i’ve had since Sebastian.
I’ve had my share of crazy cats: Chester (who still lives with my mom), who hates men and only comes to me and my mom. Simmy: twin sister to Merlin. She was fruitier than phil. Merlin went feral as soon as I moved to California. Sammy had the sweetest personality, but became the neighborhood cat, and was killed by a car. So the prospect of having another kitten, after all that trouble, wasn’t a huge hit with me.
But i’m falling in love with her.
Christine said that Zinny was a total outdoors cat. Since she was used to BadDog and Jennie, that wasn’t going to be an issue (unlike the other three who have been seriously freaking out since the dogs arrival less than a week ago). She said that Zinny was a bit standoffish and not cuddly.
Boy, was she wrong!
Zinny has taken over both Justin and I’s heart. She has a very good natured temperament, and is very cuddly and loveable. She loves to be petted and she’s so down to earth! Right now as we speak, she’s lying between my arms on my desk with her paws against my thumbs. 🙂 her favorite position seems to be on top of my monitor, on which she lies there watching me work. if i ever move from here, she’s definitely going with me. we just are bonding so.
Since the issue of money is now finally laid to rest, Justin and I went shopping Friday night and bought a 25lb bag of each: cat food, dog food and litter. Now I won’t feel so damn guilty with having four cats because now we can afford them. As soon as she’s old enough, we are taking both killer and Zinny to get spade. no more cats!
which brings up a funny incident…
today we decided to go grocery shopping. usually a chore i don’t mind doing, but justin hates it. since he is the bread winner in the family, he’s going to start paying for majority of the groceries. we get to lucky, and spend about 2 hours grabbing items and bickering about everything (what couple doesn’t do that?). after getting everything rung up, the bill comes to $166 dollars and change. We had bought -a lot- of stuff due to the fact that the outlet for the major appliances (fridge, stove, washer/dryer) had been down for a few days. so we had lost a lot of our regular food items that had spoiled. justin runs his debit card through. denied. justin runs it through again. denied. i run to the atm machine, and the most i can an pull out is 60 bucks! justin starts freaking out, and i calmly tell him that while he may have deposited his check, it hasn’t been processed. bank of america will allow up to $100 dollars taken out of the account till the deposit is processed. usually not a problem, but in an instance that you deposit it after 5pm on Friday then it’s a problem. so we had to do the ultimately white trashy thing and walk -away- after the clerk had rung up all those groceries.
god, how embarrassing.
the irony of that, was that i had left my money, in cash, at home. i had enough to cover for the food, and didn’t think twice about bringing it along with me. geez.
since we now had no groceries, we ran to taco bell for dinner. heh. and since we had a bit of money, we partook in a movie, Pleasantville, which was really good. The 60 bucks we had was blown after we got home. it’s amazing how much money you spend on a ‘date’
it was nice being with justin on an actual ‘date’ for once. we caught the movie and then spent some time in a bookstore afterwards. we looked around, checking out different topics while we sipped our hot cocoas and triple mocha iced lattes.
i miss doing stuff like that. now that money isn’t an issue anymore, i can’t wait till we start just doing -stuff-.
 

fun with quick cams

as stated previously, my friend will sent me a quick cam some time ago. after one attempt at getting it running, it wasn’t till my friend kruton has started begging me for pics of myself. i said “okay” as long as justin was in the pics as well. kruton agreed.
due to some fuck up, my keyboard doesn’t work with the quick cam hardware. so we just took random shots of us, and this is what is filling the entry for today.